dusty old memories, yet still hope

It’s paralyzing. A chilling, tingly, hauntingly familiar feeling creeps through my veins. It starts with pressure within my skull; tingles from my fingers that shoot up my forearms; and then reaches my chest, leaving nothing but an incredible heaviness. My heart thumps. My mind and my eyes freeze – distracted by memories that never seem to allow the dust to settle on them. I am jolted. I become quiet. The pressure I feel within my skull intensifies. Breathing is much more measured. It is noticeably faster, but I can feel and count each racing thump. What is it racing from? Maybe from the fear – the fear of memories; of real life past events. It emerges like a gruesome, fierce, and threatening monster. From where? It seems from thin air. Like a flame of smoke that takes on a gnarly shape, so to speak. The feeling is suffocating, but it will pass. As it inflicts wounds into fresh souls, the old scars in its former victims eventually crawl back from the harsh light. My pulse finds its steady, normal pace again. The tingles subside. My head still feels slight tension. The dust subtly begins to collect again. Memories are filed away. They can never be burned. They are indestructible. Hurtful. Despicable. Unfortunate. Sad. Bitter. They will pass though.

Suffering from the fear of past events is real. Not everyone has a perfect slate or an ideal past. Some have innocently become victims of various forms of abuse. It happens in other countries, in America, and most likely in your own neighborhood, place of work, school, or place of worship.

I am grateful to have hope in a God who is patient to wipe away my fears, however. A female Christian author wrote, "Human flesh and blood have no weakness so strong that God's strength is made weak" (Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity - You've Been a Bad Friend to Us). Why are we projecting old fears on a new day? God wants to take us where we have never been before, so let go of the heavy, hurtful baggage, and take hope in today! Like Isaiah relates of the Lord's words in the Bible,

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not percieve it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland. (43:18-19 NIV)

I love what Emily Dickens writes:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

Take hope, dear ones. May the Lord answer you when you are in trouble; May the God of Jacob make you strong. Psalm 20:1 NET