I got back from my 12 week stay in India just a few weeks ago. I guess that's when things started to change a little. They happened pretty much unconsciously until I would somewhat recognize what I was doing afterward.
Just a brief synopsis of what my life looks like: for the past 12 weeks, I have been working in an orphanage (an amazing experience), I am currently jobless, filling out many job applications, and am living with my parents - including my younger sister, my 6 year old brother, and my two cousins who are staying with us temporarily.
Now the things begin to unfold...
I have always been the "neat and tidy" sister/daughter. Not only do I like to keep my things picked up and clean, but apparently I have become the second mom of our house. I am finding myself organizing my own things and the things in my parents house as well! Cleaning off the kitchen table - which is near the back door, which then becomes the "drop off dock" for everyone's left-over belongings (mail, graded papers, handouts from school, a "misplaced" hot wheels car or two of my little brother's,...things of that nature); unloading and loading the dishwasher more occasionally; keeping the living room picked up while my dad is off to work and my mom is teaching at school all day (although I still haven't folded my parents' laundry yet...I wouldn't put it past me, though!); organizing the items on our bathroom countertop.
I did a complete "mom-thing" this morning...I woke my little brother up so that he could get ready for school, and in his groggy morning voice he said, "My pants are really sweaty." Uhhh, while that is a possibility, I had a sneaky suspicion that it was something other than sweat. Yep! It was. So, since my mom was getting ready for school, I decided to help her out. I gave my little brother a bath, got him ready for school, and then I cleaned his sheets. Wow. I never thought I would do that one until I became a parent.
And then I have found myself looking in the kitchen pantry at all of the things my mom has stocked it with, pondering what things I could cook or bake! Now, I don't mind cooking. I think it's kind of fun when I actually set out time to cook, but I also think that it is somewhat of a waste of time. It seems as though the longer time you spend putting together a meal, the more time it takes away from getting something else done. But then again, I guess it's a matter of looking at your opportunity costs of cooking.
My first weird cooking experience occurred when I made blueberry muffins for my family one morning. Jet-lag woke me up at 2am, 4am, and 6am. I decided to make use of those early, sleepless hours. After wandering around my house, I thought it would be a nice little surprise if my family had breakfast awaiting them. Everyone loved them, especially the ones on which I sprinkled brown sugar. I, on the other hand, did not have one - not even a taste. I thought, Gosh, I am turning into my friend, Sara, who bakes quite frequently, but never eats what she bakes!
Well, I have not come to a conclusion as to why I am finding myself doing so many domestic things on my own accord, but there are a few potential solutions:
-working in the orphanage and being a responsible caretaker has rubbed off on me more than I thought;
-these things are just a sign of jet-lag that has left a "jet-lag residue" after three weeks;
-since I am jobless, I am simply finding more things to do to fill my time when I get tired of filling in the same information on each application;
-my interests, potentially, are shifting and widening a bit;
-OR it could very well be that I am just getting older!
The social stigma of "aging" is a little frightening to me. However, if waking up to a new day every day is, in and of itself, a sign of new things springing forth in this aging and cyclical world then maybe "getting older" doesn't have to be such a scary thing. Each morning that I wake up could be an exciting and adventurous day! Even if, and possibly when, I get stuck in the monotony of life, there is no reason why I should not search for the small things to amuse me. Ambition and dreams will last as long as you let them.
Am I getting older? Well, yes...but maybe it's not such a bad thing.
